She said because the first time we met, I fell in love with you and I knew that I'd be yours. Now you're mine.
...I never really asked for anything.
...we all live with heavy emotions, but it seems there is one thing that will linger on my shoulders.
I remember the times, I remember the places, I remember the tears and I know she did, too.
What could have been troubling her that even I couldn't recognize the signs?
Every year, I am reminded of that day as it eats me alive.
I remember her text messages I want to be with u! Only u! I want to share my life with u! I want to share my bed with u! Only u! I want to love u! Only u!!!
We were in love, and sometimes with love comes pain and with the pain comes a temporary separation.
She didn't understand that but she started to learn it.
...she had to concentrate on her career as well as me.
She was young, and we were in love. I understand that there were certain distractions, but she knew that I'd be there in a heartbeat if she ever felt lost or confused.
I remember the way she used to jump in my arms only wishing that we could have a normal life with our inner circle, away from everybody...
I remember the way she would kiss me softly and talk for hours in each other's arms.
She would hold on to me for dear life and I'd make sure that she'd never fall. She was that protective love for me: she would pull me in close, I would hold her hand, so soft, so warm and our tears, so real and I would do anything to protect her. I would even die for her.
I hated that she had to travel back and forth let alone to Europe, Paris and Germany. But, I dropped everything and the times we needed us, we were always there for each other.
She texted me. 'Baby where are you? I need you. Please come for me ♥'
That's it. I'm cocked and loaded. I called Mikey and told him. 'R-NY********’ He said, 'I'm on it,' and I grabbed my smokes, cash, a Red Bull and hailed a cab to the airport. 'Voila !'
I remember every time we'd sneak off, it felt like being together for the first time. Do you guys know what I'm feeling? If not, I'll briefly explain. I remember her hands were always warm and soft, her lips were always pink and moist, when our chests would touch we felt our heartbeats and when the tears ran slowly down her cheek, mine would too.
...I'm starting to feel this emptiness inside of me again as I pause from typing my thoughts...
...Till this very moment, I'll never forget this and when I walk in Paris or New York every single night, I can feel that warm breeze as it makes its way up my neck. I know it's her. I can still feel her, I can feel her protecting me, I can smell her...
I remember she'd say ‘don't be silent, KC. I'm asking you don't be silent. My soul is missing you and I can't breathe without you, I think about you every second, I love you and I know you love me too.’
I remember her telling me I love you so much it hurts and I have no other words to describe the way you make me feel. I love you and I want to be your one and only till death do us part!
I did love her and who knows what would have been??? She told me one night that I fell in love with you the very first time we met. She said the way you'd put your body in front of me to protect me from harm's way, and our love through the years as we started getting closer and that one night, downtown at our usual spot, I was having a smoke while she was sitting on my lap; she kissed me, sucked the smoke out of my mouth and blew rings. Now, you're mine KC! That was so sexy!
I will always remember that day. It felt like the first time I had really fallen in love and I'll remember that time, date and place till the day I die.
I always thought in such a short time that our love was the rarest of Loves. Pure, unconditional but hurtfully removed like a stitch in time as I find myself chasing ghosts. Sometimes I wonder if we had just quit our jobs and just ran away with one another, would she still be here?
So, I end this with something she said to me that I take to heart: That warm early spring day, she rolled over and laid on top of me and said KC pinky swear. 'Life is too short, you have to break the rules from time-2-time, always forgive quickly, kiss your love slowly, love your love, one truly, and we'll laugh this off one day. Most important, never regret anything that makes you smile.'
As I type this, Isabelle is sitting on my lap, as we look into each other's eyes. Slowly my hand makes its way to the keyboard as I'm about to delete my website and our stories as she takes my hand and whispers, 'Mon Amour, non. non, non...'
She's right and I would like to end it on this note: Here's a little advice. Live life like there's no tomorrow! As I take risks that you'll never understand, as I patiently wait for that day, Je ne partirai pas sans toi Mon Amour, the day I take my last breath, as her warm hand reaches into my heart and brings me back to life on that beach. I'm waiting, Baby…
And, the life that we shared in Paris, so simple, but yet so blissful, a simple life of doing something you love, in a place that you love to be. —KC
Chasin' her pretty thoughts...